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Are strict parents the best?

16/08/2011 10606 Views 13 Posts Reply to Discussion Posted by sandonato

Posted by Editor

Sydney, Australia, 28/01/2011

A Chinese-American mother has just published a controversial book stating that strict Chinese mothers are the best kinds of parents.

Amy Chua's The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother advocates a strict parenting style over molly coddling, which includes no TV, no staying over at friends' places, no grades less than an A acceptable and playing piano and/or violin as the only extra curriculum activities. She says the discipline pays off for a successful and happy child.

What do you think? Are strict parents depriving their kids of an enjoyable childhood or helping to ensure they turn out to be smart, successful adults?

Posted by huiwen86

Melbourne, Victoria, 28/01/2011

I read her article in the WSJ and that was the way I was brought up. I wasn't allowed to do sports despite being good at athletics, not go on camps, and I play violin and piano professionally

I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this... I'm quite sure I hated how I was brought up and I have always tried not to be my parents.

Someone did a satirical take on this shanghaishiok.com/

Posted by Editor

Sydney, Australia, 28/01/2011

It's a hard one. I was brought up strict, made to play piano and do ballet and a high level of maths (as well as other subjects) despite not having an interest in maths. I hated it at the time but I know it instilled in me determination and a hard work ethic.

The key I believe is always knowing I was loved. I think you overstep the mark if you make your kids feel that they are nothing if they don't succeed - they need to feel safe in their parent's love at all times.

Posted by maxbliss

adelaide, 28/01/2011

It's so hard because their(the parents)version of what they want for you is different to what you want...my parents survived the Nazis and the German invasion of their country, after Poland was invaded-they knew what it was to have home-life uprooted, family broken up, to have no food and to go without and on the constant run to evade the horrors of war-their childhoods were filled with terror and I'm sure they were haunted by many things they didn't tell me or couldnt.
They were strict and religious also, but always said they wanted us to have a better life and not to struggle..the key was education..as they found it difficult to get well paying jobs when they emigrated here after the war to start a new life.
Despite the strictness- my Sis and I survived, I went to Uni, passed my Med-Rad degree and turned my back on their perspective of religion/cultural beliefs, which was 24/7 in their lives..I now had a choice!
They did what they thought was best-in their time and era, but as a parent you do what you think is best.
They influenced us positively and negatively and you love them no-matter what

I have been more liberal with my own two sons and I'm glad because they can talk to me bout anything and everything, where-as I didn't feel I could with my parents
Miss them though very much-both in Heaven now

Posted by june11

Lockleys,SA, 01/02/2011

It is better for parents to be reasonably strict so that children know right from wrong. I know a child who was spoilt "rotten" who was disliked by relatives and friends alike as she was very rude, and disrespectful to adults and a bad example to other children. Her mother was "as soft as better" -daughter could do no wrong even if she deliberately smashed things up.(and admitted to it) When her father tried to "correct her" jer mother would say "now dad" After a few weeks if he corrected her, she woould "stand up" to her father and say "now Dad." My suggestion is when you tell them not to do a thing, explain why to them. I was given a few warnings and if I persdisted one of my favourite toys was taken -the length of time depended on the severity of the problem. It was far worse than a light smack - no loved toy. I soon learnt my lesson.

Posted by trio3

, 01/03/2011

i think it is better to b a little harder on children then not
kids today have no respect that is because parents do not have the time for them teaching them right from wrong helping them grow into the person they want to b.

Posted by rsmith

gold coast Australia, 01/03/2011

its all about balance.... knowing when to be strict and knowing when to give your kids a bit of freedom!! Take your kids to a restaurant, if theyre naughty and run around while your waiting for your order... your not strict enough- if they sit at the table quietly talking with you ( like mine who are aged 3 and 5) your doing a good job....

Posted by lucy67

rosebud, victoria, 02/03/2011

Some countries have their own beliefs in how their children are brought up, so it must be hard for them. I think kids these days show no respect whatsoever, especially in Oz. I had an old-fashioned upbringing and loved every moment, so my son is now polite and well mannered, balanced but still full of fun and a sense of responsibility.

Posted by sandonato

Varsity Lakes,QLD, 21/07/2011

The best parents are loving and non manipulative who expect and give respect....your children come through you but are not you.......They need guidance and love and respect.NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE RAISED IN FEAR

Posted by qinniq27

Australia, 02/08/2011

Breaking the asian stereotype, my parents are pretty laid back. They sent me out to the world as soon as I was able to fly. I received an abundance of freedom during my high school years. My parents never really pressured my grades, though they did when i was in primary school (due to peer pressure from other asian parents!!!!). As soon as we moved from the area, they stopped. I remember failing several maths exams in high school, my adorable mother told me as long as I tried she'll always be proud of me. my mother preached independence, my father is all about life experiences. they both encouraged me to move out, to taste "life".. so I did for a while. Now i'm 21, I found my way back home (until i graduate uni), ironic.

they pretty much never interfered with my education or career matters.. since high school commenced. the only thing my mother's been constantly pressuring me to take action is to find a boyfriend!

Posted by sandonato

Varsity Lakes,QLD, 05/08/2011

Boyfriends are so over-rated.You don't need one unless you do.Besides you're only 21 so tell your mum that she will get to meet him the minute you do~or maybe a few minutes later quinniq27